


Stillness of Heart

by SpencnerTibbsLuvr (KliqzAngel)



Series: Stillness of Mind, Body, and Soul 'Verse [1]
Category: Criminal Minds, NCIS
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Angsty Schmoop, Community: tibbs_yuletide, Implied Bad!DiNozzo Sr, M/M, Mention of Abby Scuito, Mention of Caitlin Todd, Mention of Jeanne Benoit, Mention of Jenny Sheppard, Mention of Timothy McGee, Mention of Ziva David, Possible Character Background AU, Possible Mild Character Bashing, Pre-Slash, Schmoop, Spoilers, Supportive Palmer, Tibbs_Yuletide 2013
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-06 03:29:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1101858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KliqzAngel/pseuds/SpencnerTibbsLuvr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony's been mopey since he got back from Israel, but not for the reason people think. Does he have the courage to follow his heart, or will he let his fears keep him in the dark. Written for Tibbs Yuletide on Livejournal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 6 Days to Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story of this length that I have written for quite some time, and only the second story I have written in this fandom. When I got the idea, I thought I'd get a couple thousand words, maybe 5000 if I was REALLY lucky. Little did I know that my DiNozzo muse REALLY likes to talk. I tried to stick as close to cannon as I could, but there may be some OOC-ness. Possibly some mild anti-Ziva, Abby, McGee, and Senior, but I tried very hard to be fair and write as I thought Cannon Tony would see things, and not how I perceive them. It was not my intention to bash anyone, but putting a warning just to be safe. Also this was written well before the Diane & Tobias reunion thing, so that will not be cannon. Lastly, my DiNozzo muse is also a potty mouth.

_All that I want is stillness of heart so I can start to find my way out of the dark & into your heart. ~ Stillness of Heart by Lenny Kravitz_

 

Tony stood in his living room staring out the window watching the snowfall. The rest of the apartment was quiet except for his stereo, which was playing a Lenny Kravitz song softly in the background on loop. Lenny wasn’t a favorite, but he had enough songs Tony liked that he had a few of his CD’s in his collection. There was one song he’d heard a few days back that seemed to perfectly fit the headspace that he’d been in lately. It almost seemed as if whoever penned the lyrics had known where he’d be at mentally when Tony heard them.

He knew he’d been more maudlin than normal, but Ziva’s exit from the team and their lives was too sudden, too final, too painful, and not really for the reason everyone assumed. Or at least that was the reason he was allowing himself to believe, if only for the moment. He knew that everyone assumed they’d had some great romance, but they hadn’t. Sure they’d flirted and he wouldn’t lie to himself or anyone else by claiming that he didn’t find her attractive. She was after all beautiful, strong willed, and more than capable of taking care of herself.

Unfortunately those were some of the problems as well, and frankly he had a much more tantalizing option that actually came with a functioning work life / home life personality toggle switch. No, Ziva had no more been anything than a regular flirting target, a good friend, someone whom he believed that he could trust to a certain extent, as long as he wasn’t trying to trust her with something as important as his heart. Ziva had been someone safe that he could needle and tease, but knew that there was no way he’d ever really fall for her. Tony had a feeling that Ziva maybe wanted more from their relationship than Tony was willing to offer her, and the kiss at the end was a concession to that, easy to give knowing that he’d most likely never see her again.

If he was going to fall for a female co-worker it would have been Kate… sweet Kate taken just when they were really getting to know each other. His run-in with the Plague had really changed things between them. Maybe if she hadn’t died so soon after that but… Shaking his head, Tony forced his thoughts away from Kate’s ending not wanting to go down that road. In the end the facts were he would never know what may or may not have become of him and Kate. He also was enough of a realist to admit that time and the suddenness of her death may have blurred past hurts and sharpened the happy times. Guilt, even acknowledged unnecessary guilt, had a funny way of painting the past into a prettier picture than a photograph of the real thing would reflect.

Briefly thinking back to Ziva, Tony had to admit that maybe had the whole Michael incident not happened or maybe had her reaction not been so… violent... things might have been different at her ending in his life, too. However if his father had taught him anything, it was that you never forget or overlook periods that could be viewed as least borderline abuse and lack of respect. The reason why Tony continued to hold his father at an arm’s length, unwilling to forget childhood abuse and neglect, was the same or at the very least in the same ballpark of why he would never forget how things were with Ziva prior to them rescuing her. If Tony was going to overlook such actions for anyone, it certainly would be his father. Anthony DiNozzo Sr. would always be the man for whom he rightfully or not would feel some amount of longing for a connection with, which would make their current relationship much different. 

In the end Ziva was simply a co-worker whom he had affection for yes, but a passion and romance for, no, as those required a level of trust that he just would never be able to develop for her. If he needed any proof that he couldn’t even at the end trust her completely, it was the fiasco she’d manipulated Tim into. Using NCIS resources in a non-sanctioned investigation could have landed them both in serious trouble with not just NCIS, but the judicial system as a whole. No, putting guilt and wishful what if’s and maybe’s aside, the reality was that things with both Kate and Ziva ended for a reason. Just like things with Gibbs continued on for a reason despite all the ups and downs in their relationship, such as it was.

Not ready to focus his thoughts on the real source for his mood, Tony tried to distract himself by moving away from the window and into the kitchen where he poured himself a glass of wine. It was not his normal adult beverage of choice, but something that soothed a part of his soul on occasion. Unfortunately there was some thought or unfulfilled need that would not go denied that night and Tony found his focus turning back to Gibbs as he stared unseeing at his granite island countertop. 

Things had been different since Tony return from Israel, from the trip that he wasn’t admitting to reaching his destination much earlier than he’d already admitted to. Gibbs in return wasn’t admitting to knowing that he knew where Tony had been when he told Gibbs and Tim he was still searching for her either, so it all evened out. Sometimes things between him and Gibbs just worked out like that, and they both understood without speaking the words, that it was for the best. It almost felt like someone had hit the reset button on their friendship, returning to Tony the man whom had lured him away from Baltimore, the man Tony had fallen for all those years ago. He didn’t know what caused it or why, but he found himself equal parts grateful and scared to death. It was truly everything that he’d been wanting since Kate came along and threw off the dynamic. 

Tony wasn’t afraid to admit that he wasn’t sure he could trust this current environment would last. He’d trusted it before only to lose it the first time other people came around. The problem was that he wasn’t sure he could keep himself from falling further down the rabbit’s hole. At the bottom lay the fact that he just straight up loved Gibbs, and Tony knew he couldn’t and wasn’t sure that he wanted to even try to change that fact. When he really got down to the nuts & bolts of it, Gibbs was just too much of… well everything.

Gibbs was acceptance, being the first boss he’d ever had that saw past all the masks and bothered to look for the potential beneath. Gibbs was stability, giving him an environment that he could be himself in and still thrive, letting him break the two year rule. Gibbs was family, over the years since he’d met the man, people who entered his life actually began to stick around. Something that didn’t happen prior to that, frat brothers aside, as that was a complex and unexplainable relationship all onto itself.

Logically he knew he had people from the pre-Gibbs era of his life, but none of them were Abby, who was the little sister he’d always wanted. True sometimes she was spoiled and bratty, but she always knew when he needed a hug, for the most part she kept his secrets and always knew how to make him feel better when he was sure the sun would never shine again. They’d had their rough patch ‘the Gibbs left us and Tony was treated like crap’ months that Tony had just accepted. He’d told himself that he’d forgiven her for it even if deep down inside he wasn’t quite sure that was true. 

Of course something else his father had taught him was that family didn’t necessarily need to be fully trusted to be loved. For sure, while he knew he would never trust his father, maybe even by half, there would always be a part of him that loved him and longed for his love in return. Abby was the same. The Gibbs-less months had put a dent in their relationship Tony refused to acknowledge. He did his best to convince himself that he loved her as he always had before, because if he didn’t those hugs might not be as effective as he needed them to be some days. 

Moving on from Abby, there was Tim who filled the kid brother role equally as apt to be an annoying spoiled brat as Abby. Sometimes he wondered if because of his lack of understanding how a real family worked, if he didn’t let people in too close that were maybe not always good for him. However when your choices were that or nothing, Tony learned that you could withstand anything. (Again, see father DiNozzo lessons learned for this also.) Fortunately there were plenty of positives in his relationship with Tim. The man was smarter than anyone Tony had ever known, and never failed to awe him when his kid brother picked some vital digital bit out of space to sink that last necessary nail in some perp’s coffin. Not that Tony considered himself stupid, or that Tim never took great pleasure in rubbing his brains in Tony’s face, ‘cause Tony wasn’t and Tim did… often. Again though, it was tolerable considering the alternative, and the Frat House had taught Tony plenty of ways to put underlings in their place when necessary, methods varying depending on the level of the transgression.

There was Ducky who filled the eccentric Uncle role that every family needed. He was someone who may not know him as well as siblings and parents, but would be there to hold his hand when times got tough. This made Jimmy Palmer aka the Autopsy Gremlin aka Black Lung the equally quirky cousin that you were afraid to admit you really liked and missed terribly when you had been apart for too long. His relationship with Jimmy had really changed while Gibbs was on his siesta in Mexico. Jimmy was the one person who seemed to remember that Tony was just trying to keep everything together, and that just maybe he needed some support, too. Hell even Tobias filled his own notch in Tony’s life, although that was a fact that he’d take to his grave.

Lastly and maybe the most complex item on his list of things Gibbs was, was home. There was the city he’d given him that was as diverse and layered with masks and shadows as Tony was himself. There was the basement in Gibbs’ house that he’d come to think of as a sanctuary. He’d long ago stopped being surprised at finding himself making his way down those steps when the world was crumbling around him, because he knew he’d find what he needed at the bottom.

More than anything though, there was simply the man himself. If Gibbs’ bout with amnesia had taught him nothing else, it taught him that he could lose everything else he had and be ok, but Gibbs himself was irreplaceable. When Gibbs and his scrambled brain had gone to Mexico with that simple you’ll do, he’d taken everything else with him. Family, home, acceptance, and stability had all gone up in smoke. 

Hell even the whole Jeanne Benoit fiasco could be traced back directly to Gibbs’ absence. Had the assignment even happened, to which Tony had serious doubts about, what in the hell would he have needed some gun runner’s daughter for when he had Gibbs to love even from afar? Tony was fairly certain however that had Gibbs been around, Jenny would never have had the balls to put him on an undercover mission with no backup and no one else knowing outside of the two of them.

Straightening, Tony shook his head trying to clear the cobwebs as he put his wine glass into the sink and headed for the bedroom, pausing briefly as he spotted the box sitting on his coffee table. Sighing, Tony continued to the bedroom, pulling off his shirt as he went, wadded it up in a ball, tossed it toward the wicker basket he used for laundry, and throwing his hands in the air when it went in easily. 

The distraction wasn’t working. His mind, intent on torturing him 6 days before Christmas when it should be letting him focus on the peace of the holiday, was fixated on Gibbs and now that damned present. He was not sure what the fuck possessed him to get it, except that it was perfect. When he’d seen something similar online, he’d known what he wanted for Gibbs. Its dual meaning was everything that he’d want to give the man that he was so in love with. Its unwrapped state reflected his nerves. Once it was given there would be no hiding how he felt. Even if by some miracle Gibbs didn’t ask the meaning and reasoning behind such a personal, intimate gift, he would be busted as soon as Abby saw it. Tony knew for a fact that she knew its meaning. 

Rubbing his hands over his face, Tony turned out the lights and crawled between his sheets letting the wine fog his mind finally and pull him into dreamland.


	2. 5 Days Before Christmas

The next day found him fidgeting restlessly, but distracted enough by the newness of Probette Bishop that he’d only been head slapped twice before lunch, which Tony thought was pretty good all things considered. By lunch though, he knew that he needed a brief change of scenery, and a voice of reason that had more experience than Tony in all things love. Standing Tony declared that he was leaving for lunch, receiving only a grunt from the boss thanks to their current case free state. After promising Gibbs he’d bring him something back, Bishop and Tim not needing food brought back, Tony headed down to autopsy to snag Jimmy. 

Tony strutted through the automatic doors in his usual way, happy to see no bodies on the tables. “Ducky! I’m stealing your assistant for lunch. Do you want something from the deli when we come back?” Lifting his chin slightly, Tony withstood Ducky’s scrutiny before taking his order and left with a smiling Palmer in tow. 

Once they were seated both with their pastrami sandwiches, Palmers on Italian Bread and Tony’s on Rye, Gibbs’ turkey on wheat in the bag next to Tony, Palmer eyed Tony suspiciously. “OK, spill,” Palmer ordered and Tony almost snorted tea out his nose.

Tony had imagined this conversation more times than he could count with a dozen different variations, but somehow all that came out was “I’m in love with Gibbs,” which nearly killed poor Palmer when the bite in his mouth tried to go down the wrong tube. 

After they’d both settled back down, and Tony had apologized for almost making Breena a widow, Jimmy sighed as he considered the statement. “I don’t know if I should be as shocked as I am, because when I think about it, it seems obvious.” Tony blanched slightly at the word obvious as it was not the adjective that he’d chose to be connected to the perception of others on his feelings on Gibbs. The big problem was that if Jimmy had noticed, or noticed enough that it was to use Jimmy’s word obvious now that he knew, then who else of the other paid investigators in the building, as opposed to the autopsy assistant who was only paid to slice up dead bodies, had seen signs that he had feelings for Gibbs.

Snapping fingers in front of his face brought him back to reality, and Tony smiled sheepishly at Jimmy who was shaking his head at him. “Do you think anyone else suspects?” Tony asked and Jimmy considered the idea seriously before eventually shaking his head no. “I think because of your reputation no one else would suspect, at least not beforehand I mean, or at the very least certainly not in this manner. ‘Cause like I said now that I know it seems like I should have, and I guess I always knew that you two had a special relationship, which is what I think most will say they are aware of. The idea that you have some big gay love for Agent Gibbs, however never crossed my mind. How long have you…?” Jimmy broke off his last sentence unsure how to ask, but fortunately Tony understood where he was going with his question.

“Seems like forever,” Tony admitted shrugging. “I mean, I was attracted to him right from the start when I stared down into those blue eyes of his in Baltimore, and he is really my type. Aside from the whole ‘Hello, daddy issues thy name is Tony DiNozzo Jr.’ part I’m always attracted to people whether male or female with a more dominant personality than my own. It doesn’t hurt that he’s gorgeous, and actually seems to be able to withstand my more annoying personality traits.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes in exasperation at his friend dig at himself, thinking that between Tony and Gibbs it was at worst a draw as to who had the more annoying personality traits, but kept that thought to himself. He was well aware that you dissed The Gibbs in Tony’s presence only at the risk of your own self confidence. There wasn’t a more certain way to guarantee Tony’s lethal skill with tearing you apart verbally would come out, than to in his eyes unfairly paint Gibbs in an overly negative light. It was like the old ‘I can pick on my sibling, but no one else can’ rule. “So, the ladies’ man things… is it an act, or are you just umm… flexible that way?”

Tony smiled and blushed shrugging. “Flexible, I definitely like the ladies and I’ve been with a lot more of them than I have guys, but that’s more to do with circumstances. I spent my puberty in a military school, so there was some group wank offs, but not too many or anything more or I would’ve gotten my ass kicked.”

“College was more liberal and that’s definitely where I did my experimenting, but I still had to be careful. I was part of two locker rooms, and things were a lot less accepting back then than they may be now. After college though, once I moved to the police academy and then into the PDs I had to be more careful again. I’ve hooked up with a few guys here and there since I’ve come to DC, but nothing more than a one nighter. There’s only one guy I’m willing to come out for and… I just wished I knew for sure if I had any chance.”

Tony took a big gulp of his tea, sandwich forgotten only half eaten in front of him too nervous to risk eating anymore of it. “I… I got him something for Christmas,” Tony started, but paused as he shredded the paper his sandwich had been wrapped in nervously. “If I give it to him, he’s gonna know. Maybe not right away, but for sure the first time Abby sees it.”

Jimmy frowned finishing his own sandwich before asking, “What is it?” Tony bit his lip shoving his food wrapper confetti onto his tray before muttering, “An Italian Horn necklace.”

“It’s a symbol of love, protection and fertility essentially. It was used to protect the wearer from the ‘Evil Eye’, which was believed to be able to bring harm or bad things to nursing mothers and their babies, bearing fruit trees, milking animals, and the sperm of men. The second Abby sees him wearing the necklace and finds out who gave it to him, there’ll be no keeping my feelings a secret anymore.”

Cocking his head to one side, Jimmy opened his mouth to make an observation before closing it and reconsidering. He wasn’t sure how his hunch would be received, but since the real formation of their friendship when Gibbs was gone, Jimmy’s role had been to listen to the things others wouldn’t and make the observations others couldn’t. Tony relied on him to force him to see the forest for the trees. Taking a deep breath, Jimmy tried again speaking carefully and softly to insure he was clearly stating his observation. “I think that you have more answers thank you think, even if you aren’t ready to admit to it.”

When Tony opened his mouth to respond, Jimmy held up a hand for him to wait and then continued with his thought. “Something you have said more than once is what really convinced me that I was right. You said that as soon as Abby sees the necklace then Gibbs will know how you feel. Your assumption thought is that he’ll wear it. Both times when you said it there was no hesitation, no doubt in your words. You spoke without a single doubt that the present will be worn. If you were really as unsure as you consciously think you are, then you wouldn’t be so certain that he’d even wear it. If he isn’t into you, then he isn’t going to wear something as personal as jewelry. If he even kept the gift when he didn’t want it, then it would be thrown in a drawer or jewelry box, if he has such a thing, somewhere and forgotten about.”

“As I said though, you seem to have no doubt that he’ll wear it, which means that somewhere maybe deep down and unconsciously, but somewhere in your mind and heart you believe that he returns your feelings and thus will wear the necklace for others to see it. So, what are you really afraid of?” Jimmy asked watching Tony sit back stunned. His reaction making it obvious he hadn’t considered this fact. “Personally I think that you’re more worried what the others namely Abby, Tim, & Doctor Mallard will say. Taking it a step further, if we are being even more honest Doctor Mallard isn’t really much of a mystery. He’s not going to care as long as you are both happy.”

“That means that the real issue in your mind or subconscious is Abby & Tim, and if you’re that uncertain of their support are they really worth risking missing a chance at a life with someone you’re in love with?” Before Tony could answer, his phone rang, and the two had to rush off to a crime scene, putting Tony’s introspection on temporary hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Information about the necklace was found [HERE](http://www.luckymojo.com/corno.html)!


	3. End of 5 days before and 4 Days til Christmas

Fortunately for the family involved, but unfortunately for Tony, the missing child call turned out to be a false alarm. The child, a ten year old boy named Jonathan, was found quickly at his father’s ex-girlfriend’s house. It turned out that dad got engaged and left his son, who was already unhappy with said engagement, with the new fiancé when he was suddenly deployed. The boy’s mother had dropped out of the picture so long ago that no one had any idea where she was. Jonathan ran off to dad’s ex-girlfriend’s house, whom he liked much more, after an argument didn’t go the way he felt it should. 

It was actually her call to the new fiancé, much to the displeasure of Jonathan, that helped locate him after she got home from work and found him on her doorstep. Fortunately both women, for maybe the first time in longer than Tony could remember, only wanted the best for the child and agreed to frequent visits with the old flame while dad was overseas. Everyone involved agreed that this was the best for a child already suffering from a separation from the only parent he had contact with.

Unfortunately this speedy wrapping up left Tony with nothing to do, but think about but his conversation with Jimmy at lunch. Was Jimmy right? Did some part of Tony already know how Gibbs would respond? He certainly couldn’t argue with his logic, because the fact was that even when he’d debated getting it, the idea that it wouldn’t be worn hadn’t entered his mind. Hell even now that it had been pointed out to him, he still didn’t doubt that it would be worn. Was it really Abby and Tim’s reactions that he was worried about? Again the only answer that came to mind was that Jimmy had been correct in this one also. 

Sure Abby was his friend, but she’d made it abundantly clear over the years that Tony was no Gibbs and not being good enough for Gibbs was just an easy hop, skip, and a jump in logic from there for Tony to make. Tim’s reaction was more of a work concern given that Tony couldn’t honestly consider them friends or at least not enough of friends that this type of thing was a worry. When it came to Tim, Tony already had his doubts that Tim really respected him some days. What would he say if he found out that they were together? The thought of losing his respect all together tied his stomach up in knots tight enough he had to fight not to puke. But, it still wasn’t enough to turn him away from Gibbs, as Jimmy said… the man he loved. 

As he considered Jimmy’s words, he wondered if it was so much a confidence in Gibbs answer as it was a fear of continuing on his current path. Because the fact was, Tony knew that he wasn’t getting any younger. Father Time was catching up with both himself and Gibbs, and if he were honest with himself, Tony knew that he was tired of being lonely.

There weren’t as many bubbly airheads anymore as he liked to make out. Not that he even had to make up or exaggerate stories anymore. People just assumed that they knew what he did with his free time. The reality was that even the people he saw every day had very little clue. So, while Jimmy may have been on the right path, he was a little off on his reasoning, compared to Tony’s perception of the situation after some reflection.

The next day was a Saturday, and while it was usually his sleep in day, for some reason his brain was wide awake at a bright and early 6AM. Deciding not to fight it, Tony went ahead and got up and started his day early getting into his Saturday routine. Workout, breakfast, and cleaning were all done before noon. Dry cleaning was dropped off at his regular place not far from the apartment and then he headed to the US Soldier’s and Airmen’s Home. It was a retirement home that catered to military veterans that Ernie had clued him into during one of Tony’s visits with the man. As was usual he ate lunch with some of the guys and listened to whatever stories they wanted to tell. Christmas presents were left with the nursing staff to pass out for him on Christmas morning and he made a list of things the nurses had overheard the guys needing that they would never mention to Tony. 

There was only one person who knew he did this, and Tony was happy to keep it that way. Despite what people thought, Tony wasn’t one who sought attention every time he did something. Tony understood maybe better than anyone what it was like to feel like you were the only person in the world who cared what happened to you. Not all, but several of the men whom he spoke with regularly had no one to come visit them. It was those that Tony made sure he kept in touch with. He realized that if this thing with Gibbs progressed that he most likely would end up having to tell the man about this, and while the thought made him squirm inside, he wasn’t going to stress out about that until he had to. There were other more worrisome things for him to focus on. 

After wishing everyone a happy holiday, Tony headed to the grocery store intending to buy food for the holiday. Instead he found himself standing in the seafood department staring at the case thinking the shrimp and scallops looked unexpectedly good with a vague notion forming in the back of his mind. Before he could really think about it, and most likely talk himself out of it, Tony picked up the things he would need for the menu that had formed based on those two ingredients. He purchased everything down to the spices he would need, doubting that the final destination would have even something as simple as garlic powder, as he knew salt and pepper were as exotic as it got. He’d never looked at the pots and pans, and mentally hoped that there was at least a decent boiling pot, but picked up disposable pans for everything he could. Pasta, seafood, cream, parmesan, whipped cream, cherry pie filling, frozen baguette dough, fresh romaine lettuce were just some of the items that went into the cart. He would be serving his favorite recipe spaghetti pie, this version would be an alfredo seafood spaghetti pie, a salad that would put Olive Garden to shame, homemade garlic bread, and one of his favorite holiday desserts Holiday Cherry Delight, which could be made with little effort, but was delicious.

After leaving the store there was a stop at the local liquor store to pick up a couple of bottles of red wine even though most would pick white with shellfish. Tony knew however that Gibbs would only drink red, and since it was also what Tony himself preferred he picked up a couple bottles of The Prisoner, which was his favorite. It helped that he never failed to enjoy the irony while drinking it. He managed to not think about what he was doing right up until the time he pulled up outside of Gibbs’ house, then he had a momentary “what the fuck am I doing?” attack. If this was a woman, Tony would have no doubt in this mind that he was springing a date on the poor unsuspecting lady. Of course he’d never cooked dinner for one of his “dates” as usually their time together was much quicker than it would take to cook dinner, and frankly there was way less clothing involved. 

He tried to repeat over and over that there was no way Gibbs would think he had any intentions other than cooking his food, but it didn’t help much. After all this was Gibbs and he knew EVERYTHING before you even thought it. He almost floored it right then and left, but stopped himself right before his foot hit the gas pedal and forced himself to put the car back in park, after not remembering taking it OUT in the first place. This was not a date. This was Tony coming over and cooking for his boss and friend. Although he’d never done such a thing before and Gibbs didn’t even KNOW he could cook. Everyone had heard about the conversation last Christmas between him and his father, and was therefore justifiably under the impression that Tony couldn’t boil water, mostly because he’d never taken the time to point out the difference between “don’t cook” and “can’t cook”. 

Finally Tony got tired of his waffling and forced himself to get out of the car, telling himself he was going to let the cards lay where they fell. He was tired of stressing out about this whole situation. Christmas was way too far away, and Tony needed some kind of resolution now that Jimmy had convinced him that he was more confident than Tony thought he was. He needed to know if he had a chance, or if he needed to exchange the necklace for a bottle of expensive bourbon. So, not letting himself think about it anymore, he got the bags out of the backseat and, after locking the doors, headed into the warmth of Gibb’s home.

He was putting the seafood, veggies and Alfredo sauce makings in the fridge, leaving out the dessert stuff so that he could make it right away. He liked it best after it had gotten a chance to set, so he needed to get it going right away. The bread dough was thrown into the freezer, the spices were laid out on the counter, and the butter for the bread was going into the fridge with the other stuff when he realized he’d forgotten to put it in there when he was getting out the other cold stuff. After that he had intended to lay the dessert stuff out in the correct order according to his mental recipe when he heard, “What the hell are you doing, DiNozzo?” Straightening Tony shut the fridge door, plastered a toothy grin on his face, and turned to greet Gibbs. 

“Putting the stuff for dinner in the fridge, boss, before I make dessert. “ Tony wished there was something that he could do with his hands ‘cause he knew that he looked like a moron fidgeting, but he was undeniably nervous. Gibbs frowned slightly cocking his head to one side as he studied Tony, wracking his brain trying to remember whatever plans they obviously had that he’d forgotten. No matter how hard he tried though nothing came to mind, and he was pretty sure that he would remember something as unique as an offer from Tony too cook for him, especially considering that Gibbs didn’t think Tony could cook. He vaguely remembered that being a point of contention between the two DiNozzo men last Christmas, but… Nope, nothin’. “We have plans I didn’t know about?”

“Yes boss! I mean, no boss. I mean…” Tony stopped talking, mentally head slapping himself, and took a deep breath as Gibbs continued to frown at him patiently impatient, which only made sense if you knew the man. “I was at the store and uhh… I want to cook you dinner, Boss, and I don’t get to do it lots but…. I got stuff for Alfredo Seafood Spaghetti Pie, salad, garlic bread, and dessert.”

Gibbs frowned a little more cocking his head to the other side obviously trying to figure out what was going on. If the whole cooking thing wasn’t odd enough, the nervousness was a big tip there was something else at play here. Home cooking, Italian food, nice wine, if it was a woman Gibbs would think… OH. Could… huh. “You’re right boss,” Tony stammered making Gibbs even more confused because he was fairly damned certain he hadn’t said a damn thing, and while Tony was good at anticipating, Gibbs had no clue what Tony thought he was anticipating this time. “Never assume. Rule 5 or 10 or 2 or 35 or… I should have known that you were busy. I’ll just pack this stuff up and…”

“DiNozzo!” Gibbs barked moving fully into impatient mode before forcing himself to slip back into patiently impatient. “Number 5 is Don’t Waste Good, number 10 is Never get personally involved in a case, number two is Always wear gloves at a crime scene, and 35 is Always watch the watchers. Number 8 is never assume. Did I say I was busy? ‘Cause I am pretty damned sure I didn’t. Been awhile since anyone’s cooked for me, an’ whatcha said you were making sounds damn good, but since when in the hell do you cook?”

Tony shrugs shyly again wishing he had something to do with his hands, and briefly turned to arrange the things on the counter picking up the pan they were going in to occupy himself a little before turning back to Gibbs to answer him. “I can cook, boss, it just isn’t fun to do for yourself. So, I don’t, but you know… for special occasions… I mean not that this… uh… it’s…” Tony stopped again cursing himself in his head thinking it would be a miracle if Gibbs didn’t figure this whole damned thing out, then immediately fire him for being a stuttering moron. Shit he hadn’t even stuttered like this when he started, and in fact he sounded a lot like McGee, which frankly made things even worse. ‘Cause McGee was good at a lot of things, but dates were not one of them & Tony was pretty sure sounding like him would not inspire Gibbs to want to spend a lifetime with Tony doing the horizontal mambo. 

Gibbs on the other hand just continued to watch him wondering what the hell was happening to his Senior Field agent. He tried to come up with any other reason in the world why Tony would be this nervous about cooking him dinner unless it really was a date, but not a single thing came to mind. And if it really WAS a date then… shit Fornell was never gonna let him live this down. Damn rule number 12 would always be his Achilles heel. “Ok, come on down when you’re done and bring a couple of beers. Gotta call I gotta make.” Turning Gibbs went back down to the basement, and headed straight for the work bench. Sitting on his stool he picked up his phone and dialed Tobias knowing he might as well get this over with. Fuckin’ prick was gonna have a field day with this. At least Gibbs knew this would be one ex he would never have to worry about the FBI agent stealing.

“Don’t come over tonight,” Gibbs said right off when the ringing stopped not waiting for Tobias to say hello. “I think I have a date.”

“Hello to you too, Gibbs, and how do you not know if you have a date or not?” Tobias asked smirking. “I know you’re old and forgetful and it’s been awhile. Surely though an old fart like you can still at least remembering when he’s asked some smoking red head out for a dinner and a roll in the hay.”

“Well, jackass, I didn’t do the asking, and it’s not a redhead. What the hell else would you call it when someone comes over unexpected, bringing bags of food, and says they are cooking you dinner that includes two bottles of red wine. Speaking of… who the hell names a wine The Prisoner?” Gibbs asked shortly feeling off balance and not liking it any more than he normally would.

“I didn’t know you were seeing someone,” Tobias remarked moving into the kitchen to decide what he was having for dinner now that his normal “takeout at Gibbs’ cause Tobias was bored and a grumpy Gibbs was better than nothing” Saturday night was out of the question. “Who is she? Does she have a sister? Since when do you date anything other than red heads?”

Gibbs snorted thinking to himself ‘nosy bastard’. “I’m not seeing anyone. They have no siblings. I date plenty more than red heads!”

“Huh,” Tobias offered intelligently getting distracted from his food hunt when a particular pattern started to stand out in Gibbs’ answers. “Have they ever showed up with food before?”

“Takeout, but they’ve never cooked for me, and they called it a special occasion.”

“Huh,” Tobias repeated and moved to the table smirking again forgetting his own dinner all together. “So, DiNutso finally manned up, huh?”

“I didn’t damned well say anything about Tony, Tobias.” Gibbs grouched knowing the younger man was gonna kick his ass when he heard about this conversation. Gibbs considered for maybe half a second not telling him, but if this WAS a date, he sure as hell wasn’t gonna start out a hopefully fledgling relationship by lying about something as stupid as a damn conversation with Tobias Fornell. Gibbs would just have to make sure Fornell knew to keep his fuckin’ mouth shut, and minded his Ps & Qs around Tony from now on. 

“Didn’t have to Jethro. Genderless pronouns tell me it’s a man not a woman. The only two men you know that come over and bring you takeout regularly are me and DiNutso. Ducky cooks when he comes over for dinner, and you hate it because it’s always some healthy crap you detest. Since I know that I am currently sitting at my kitchen table that means it’s Tony. So, like I said… he finally manned up, huh?” Mentally Tobias was gleefully planning out all the harassment he could inflict on the pain in the ass Senior Field Agent and his boss. 

Gibbs’ eyes narrowed hearing said unrestrained glee, and decided to cut this shit off at the knees before it had a chance to go anywhere damaging. “You will not give him shit about this Tobias.”

Fornell snorted still smirking. “Yeah right, good luck with that, Jethro. I’m gonna get all kinds of mileage out of this.”

“Maybe I need to make myself clearer,” Gibbs growled. “You give Tony any crap about this, and you’ll lose your balls. Then after that I will call Dianne and tell her about that little trip you take every March with her very best friend from collage Bethany whatsherface who married that fuckin’ investment broker who is more boring than Dianne’s accountant.”

“How,” Tobias started then stopped swearing at Gibbs in his head seeing his plans for fun die a sad death before they could ever really get fully formed. “Fine, take away all my fun.” Pausing as he moved on quickly used to such things happening when Jethro got involved, Tobias’ eyes got big as a thought occurred to him. “Holy shit! You really like him! This is serious you ol’ dog! What about your precious rule #12? You have the worst time with that damn kneejerk response to Jenny and Paris. At least Tony is a better fit than Hollis and that damn lawyer and the damn shrink.”

Gibbs ran a hand through his silver hair, not sure how to respond. “Yeah, Tobias, if this is really a date then I’m serious about it. As for rule 12, well shit if I know. You’ve been telling me it was stupid for years since as you pointed out I do a really crappy job of following it. Maybe I should change it to: Never date a Co-Worker unless they are a hot male former college two sport athlete who you have known for 10 years. I mean, like you said the damned thing was only made cause of the damn Jenny & Paris fiasco and heaven only knows that I didn’t feel this strongly about her… well ever. If I had maybe it would have ended differently and rule #12 would be something completely different like Dating Co-Workers isn’t so bad. But then again Tony isn’t Jenny either. If heaven forbid we didn’t last, I don’t think that there would be so much to worry about. I have more faith in Tony’s ability to be a professional if things went bad than I would have in Jenny’s if I had thought about things with my head instead of my dick.”

“I just… how the hell am I supposed to know if…” Gibbs broke off hearing Tony coming down the steps. “Gotta go Tobias. Try not to get into trouble on your own tonight.”

Tobias rolled his eyes wondering how Gibbs’ people thought he was so damned slick and sneaky. “Let me know how it turns out, Jethro,” he barely managed to get in before Gibbs hung up on him.

“You didn’t… I didn’t mean to make you cancel your plans, boss. I can go if…”

“Wasn’t anything that is more important than this.” Gibbs interrupted sensing that Tony was still skittish, and wanting to head him off before the younger man could talk himself out of this. Grabbing the bottle Tony was holding out to him, Gibbs nodded his thanks and leaned back against the bench watching the always sexy younger man. Mentally he swore that if this was really a chance at happiness with the younger man he would treat it as if it were as precious as his marriage with Shannon was. His three marriages had been born more out of loneliness and desperation than love, but this… whatever it was maybe possibly with Tony was already so much more than that. 

Gibbs had ironically first become aware that maybe he had feelings for something beyond co-workers for Tony while he was in Mexico trying to get his memory back. Somehow as he was recovering, the memories and the feelings just weren’t adding up. Finally he had been forced to admit that maybe those old feelings and longings he’d ignored for years that weren’t quite as 100% heterosexual as most would imagine, hadn’t just gone away when he joined the Marines. Finally Gibbs decided to just act as if this whole situation was the date that he hoped it was. Feeling better now that he had a direction, Gibbs forced himself to relax and smiled at Tony. “I would much rather have a home cooked dinner with you than a crappy takeout dinner with Fornell, I’m really glad that you came over, Tony. Maybe after we eat we can find a western to watch or somethin’.”

Tony looked at Gibbs for a moment then smiled shyly and settled on the padded stool that Gibbs hand down in the basement for him to use when he came to visit. “I… uh… I’d be happy to cook for you more, Boss. I like doing it. It’s relaxing. It’s just… uh… it’s kinda depressing cooking for only yourself all the time and some things you just can’t easily make for one person. So you end up cooking the same things all the time, which eventually gets boring. So you order out cause you have a wider variety to choose from, and before you know it you haven’t cooked for yourself in years.”

Tony shrugged knowing he was still rambling, but Gibbs was used to his yammering and at least he’d stopped stuttering for the most part. “But you know I wouldn’t mind cooking for you now and then… uh… Jethro.” Gibbs smiled at the use of his first name and Tony finally found himself relaxing about as much as he figured he would at least until the first bottle of wine was gone. Leaning forward to rest against the workbench, Tony asked Gibbs’ his opinion on a cold case he’d been keeping his eye on and thought maybe he’d finally figured out why it seemed so familiar.


	4. 2 Days til Christmas & Christmas Eve

Monday Tony walked in with a distinct spring in his step, whistling Deck the Halls as he let his bag drop and sat down at his desk. Powering up his computer, Tony thought back on his weekend and couldn’t help but grin bigger. Dinner Saturday night had been a huge success and the Alfredo Seafood Spaghetti Pie tasted just as good for dinner Sunday night. He’d ended up crashing on the couch after they polished off one bottle of Prisoner and made a good dent in the second. He’d pleasantly woken up to the smell of bacon and hash browns that worked wonders on his slight hangover from the wine. 

They’d spent the day in the basement again for the most part, and then finished the leftovers before Tony headed home. They’d made plans to spend Christmas Eve and Day together, and Tony offered to cook dinner both nights. Tony had felt slightly bad about kicking Fornell out of his Saturday night plans, and didn’t want the other man to spend the holidays alone too after he found out he didn’t have Emily that year. So, he’d somewhat reluctantly suggested inviting him. The Gibbs brought up Ducky who also would be alone. So he was getting an invitation too. For a moment Tony thought about asking if he could invite a friend, but he didn’t know if he’d worked out plans or not and was a little shy about revealing things. In the end he’d decided to wait ‘til he could talk to him before broaching the subject with his boss... boyfriend… person.

Gibbs had needed to run an errand Sunday afternoon that he had been very secretive about, and this close to Christmas Tony knew better than asking questions. So they’d split up for a few hours. Tony went to the store and got food as well as gifts for Tobias and Ducky, while picking up some small things to go with the special gift he’d gotten for Gibbs and his friend. Christmas Eve dinner was Clam Chowder and appetizers consisting of, but not limited to, shrimp cocktail, crab stuffed mushroom caps, and a chipped beef ball. There would of course was always a cheese and sausage platter and a veggies and dill dip platter. 

Christmas Eve dinner was a tradition that he hadn’t been able to do in more years than he wanted to think about, but was excited to be able to restart it and finally have someone to finally share it with. It was something that had started way back when he was at the Rhode Island Military Academy. There surely weren’t many things he wanted to remember or carry on from that place; although he was more than a little certain he had his old military academy days to thank for his ability to survive former Gunnery Sargent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. There had always been a few kids at school who couldn’t go home for holidays, breaks, and vacations. The chef was an old guy who looked more like he belonged on a fishing boat than in the kitchen. He lived on property, and was always in charge during those times. He made a mean New England style chowder, and in fact it was his recipe that Tony was making. (Manhattan style in Tony’s humble opinion was unnatural and the very though was an offense to his former friend and would NEVER grace Tony’s kitchen.) The appetizers were always made by the kids themselves. The whole night was filled with as much fun and laughter as the old man could fit in. 

Christmas Day dinner was a little more formal, but somehow it was still fun. This year like chef had done so many times back then, Tony was going with a nice standing rib roast. With it, he was making au gratin cauliflower, twice baked potatoes, brussel sprouts with bacon, and some nice rolls. Dessert would be another of his favorites, black forest cake. The food was all safely stored in Gibbs’ fridge and freezer waiting for Tony to work his magic. Now he just had to hope that the Gods were smiling down on him favorably insuring that they didn’t get a huge messy case.

He’d just lifted his head when Gibbs came around his wall from the meeting he’d been in with the Director, his empty coffee cup hitting Tony’s trash can. “Breakout the cold cases. DiNozzo follow up on that idea we discussed. I’m goin’ for coffee.”

Tony fist pumped in his head as he pulled the case file out and got to work. By the time Gibbs got back, he had called two of his contacts and he had Bishop reviewing a copy he’d made her. After months of on and off work on it, hopelessly trying to remember why it sounded familiar even though it was one of Pacci’s old cases, Tony realized it reminded him of an old case he’d heard about when he was just a rookie in Peoria. When a coffee cup was placed in front of him, Tony broke off his second whistled rendition of Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town, which McGee appreciated sincerely as Tony was driving him nuts with the whistling crap, and gave Gibbs a dazzling smile.

“Thanks, boss! My buddy in Peoria is trying to pull the case files and evidence. My other buddy who is now captain said we could take it, as long as we kept them in the loop. They don’t have the manpower to work cold cases much. It all though may not get here ‘til after the beginning of the year, ‘cause they don’t have those years computerized. I have Bishop reviewing our file to see if anything stands out to her. I’ve also requested our evidence be pulled, but again it could be next week cause of Christmas. I am gonna do a broader search to see if I can find anything similar anywhere else, and I have another contact uhh… somewhere else that’s helping with that.”

Gibbs lifted an eyebrow at the last, but didn’t push it. Contacts were private, and Gibbs knew Tony guarded his as if they were precious stones. It was best not to ask as he knew Tony would share later if it was relevant. Moving to his own desk Gibbs started working on backed up paperwork as he hummed along with the new song Tony was whistling, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.

The next day, Christmas Eve, found Gibbs sitting at his desk, watching the clock on his monitor, but time seemed to have frozen at 2:58PM. When it finally flipped over to 3PM Gibbs decided that he’d had enough. McGee and DiNozzo had been playing games on their computers since just after lunch. He guessed against each other and with Tim losing if the glares that he was sending Tony were any indication. He had no clue what they were playing, but from the smug look on McGee’s face earlier he had thought there was no way Tony would have been able to beat him, and now was unhappy that he was in fact losing. 

Gibbs had to chuckle and fight the urge to shake his head. As good as an agent as McGee was, he’d never get as far as he wanted if he didn’t stop taking people so much at face value all the time. He had definitely gotten better, thanks to Tony’s tutelage as odd and outside of the box as the DiNozzo teaching method was, but he still had plenty to learn before he could hope to try to ascend the ranks of NCIS. Now that Ziva was gone though, the two seemed to be getting back on track. Gibbs hated to admit it, but most of the Ziva years had been a series of mishandlings, one on top of the other. First by Jenny in ever bringing her to NCIS, then by he himself in his often reluctance to rein her in as thoroughly as needed. Things had happened that shouldn’t have. 

The chain of command had been totally ignored most days, and rules were ignored almost costing them all their futures. Gibbs knew he was going to have to get himself back on track, as well. He was trying, but definitely was still working on it. The issue with his father was the first clue that he wasn’t making as big of strides as he’d like. He never should have told Tim that he was in charge. Tony was his Senior Field Agent. When he wasn’t there Tony was in charge. Gibbs had heard things in the years since he’d returned from Mexico, buzzings about how things had gone back then. He hated to believe that it was still an issue, but feared that it might be. He knew that a lot of that fell at his own feet, and it shamed him to admit it. If The Corps had taught him nothing it was that the chain of command existed for a reason, and as a Marine it was his duty to follow it without question and to dishonor it was to risk all those above and below him. 

He had gotten lazy, set in his ways, resistant to change or outside influence believing that he alone knew best no matter the opinion of those around him and sometimes at the very expense of those trying to set him on the right path. Gibbs couldn’t lie to himself anymore, and counted his blessings every day, knowing that he was damned lucky to still have Tony in his life. The fact that the younger man was also willing to give him a shot at a personal relationship, when their professional one was filled with so much FUBAR that Gibbs couldn’t understand how he was still around, was nothing less than a minor miracle. Fortunately for Gibbs, Tony was willing, and after Tony left last Sunday, Gibbs had sat himself down and had a stern talking with his inner bastard.

Things needed to change. Not just with his team, but with everything in his life. His work persona was there for a reason, and Gibbs wasn’t fool enough to try and completely overhaul it, but he knew that he needed to get back to following the law, as much as he was able anyway. He needed to make sure McGee understood that Tony was his superior no matter how much smarter he might think he is. The chain of command was going to be followed, and Gibbs had faith the younger agent would follow in line if Gibbs made his expectations known. 

With Bishop coming in, it was the perfect time to get things back on track. Leon seemed to have come around, where Tony was concerned anyway, and Gibbs didn’t hold as much distrust toward the other man as he used to. He wasn’t sure about this new SecNav, but that was mostly doubt that she would be able to handle a life and death situation making split second decisions that would minimize the casualty count. That was completely out of his hands though, and for once he wasn’t going to stick his nose in it.

Personally Gibbs needed to do a shitload of work, also. He’d gotten even lazier there than he had professionally. At work he could justify mostly “The second B is for Bastard” personality because it got things done with a minimum of argument from others. Personally though, he couldn’t defend treating people with the same ‘I know all and you know nothing’ attitude. The issue with his father was a perfect example. Gibbs knew he needed to learn to take people more on an even footing in his personal life, especially with Tony’s part becoming that much more intense. Gibbs could not risk losing Tony as he had his ex-wives because he refused to listen and compromise, because he expected them to be a person who was dead, because he was frustrated and scared of giving so much again only to lose it all. The fact was, Gibbs knew Shannon would have kicked his ass from one end of the house to the other if he had treated her the way he’d treated his ex’s or if she’d seen him treating people personally the way he had been. 

He’d let grief and fear turn him into someone that some days he wasn’t sure that he could be proud of, certainly not outside of NCIS anyway. Shannon had been the light that drew everyone in. Gibbs had always been that kid, lurking in the dark, angry and unsure how to get the light to point in his direction, not understanding that all he had to do was move. Fortunately for him, Shannon had come his way and he had been thankful every day he’d had her. When he’d lost her, he was suddenly plunged into darkness again, only this time he had no hope that he’d be able to make his way out. Certainly there was no way that the light would come find him a second time. Unfortunately for Gibbs he had no notion that each light looked different, just like different wattages of light bulbs at the hardware store. 

Believing that he would be in the dark forever, he let the monster out, becoming that angry teenager he’d been before The Corps head slapped him into tomorrow. When the light finally came around again, Gibbs’ memory had made Shannon’s light so bright that he didn’t recognize it for what it was. In some ways that damned amnesia had saved him. It might have taken awhile, but the amnesia had effectively smashed the memory he’d built up in his head, of Shannon’s light and allowed him to see his new light, Tony’s light for what it was. 

DiNozzo’s light was maybe a little dimmer at times, it took more care to keep going, resembling more of a candle flame than the constant light of a lamp that Shannon had been, but it was no less useful in leading him out of the dark than hers had been. Gibbs just had to tend to it more often, and protect it from things like rain and wind that he hadn’t had to worry about with Shannon’s light. The extra work though didn’t make it any more useful or any less precious to him. It might have been the possibility that the extra work might make it more precious to him in the end that had scared him away from it for so long. 

It was the sound of Bishop knocking against her desk that brought Gibbs out of his musings. She had spread herself out behind and underneath her desk. The case notes that Tony had made her a copy of were spread out and taped up to the undersides of her desk, but it seemed like she had gotten her fill of work, too. 

It looked like she had some magazine she was looking at, possibly thinking that Gibbs wouldn’t be able to see it with her all tucked up under her desk. Snorting, Gibbs shook his head and bellowed, “Go home!” Shutting down his computer and standing he smirked as his two senior agents immediately began shutting down their computers; game abandoned knowing well not to delay or risk either Gibbs changing his mind, or a case coming in despite them being off rotation. A loud bang and a cursed, “fuck,” came from under Bishop’s desk and Tony and Tim paused just long enough to snicker at her before straightening the files they’d been “working on” and picking up their go bags. 

“You know, Probette, that wouldn’t happen if you sat AT your desk instead of under it,” Tim snarked. Sniffling playfully and wiping away an imaginary tear, Tony looked at Gibbs and grinned. “Gibbs! My Probie’s grown up and gotten one of his very own! It seems like just yesterday he was a stuttering mass of nerves swaddled in a microchip diaper.” Tim paused frowning at the thought, and Gibbs just rolled his eyes at their antics not bothering to hide his amusement. “It’s funny how that happens, DiNozzo,” he commented dryly giving him a knowing look, and Tony just laughed. “Get out all of ya and don’t come back ‘til Tuesday.” Tony and McGee whooped at the unexpected long weekend and sprinted to the elevator with Bishop following not long behind rubbing her head and shouting at them to wait for her.


	5. Christmas Eve Continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the cannon background for Tony and Derek may be wrong. I didn't check it out because I wrote it as I wanted it for the story purpose. If it is inaccurate, please just consider it AU for this universe.

Tony let himself into Gibbs’ house, knowing the older man would have to talk to the Director before leaving, dropping his overnight bag by the staircase, before walking into the living room open mouthed at the transformation. A tree was now in front of the window fully decked out in lights and what looked like old antique ornaments waiting to turn on. Tony could hear the timer clicking away, and couldn’t wait to see the tree lit up. The fireplace mantle had what smelled like fresh garland draped over it. 

Grinning he put his gifts that he’d gotten Tobias, Ducky, and Gibbs under the tree with exception of the necklace, which he placed on one of the branches in the upper middle of the tree. He was happy to see that it was able to be seen, but not too obvious. It wouldn’t do to take away all the surprise. The bag that he’d had the gifts in, still had a few left inside of it, but those were for his friend and he hadn’t wanted to leave them at home, unsure when they were going to touch base. Picking the bag up he moved it to set by the wall shared by the entrance way so that he could put it back in his car later. 

When Gibbs came through the door later, having spent a half hour with the Director filling him in on Tony’s case and discussing Leon’s plans for their first Christmas without Jackie, he could already smell Tony’s hard work in the kitchen. Spotting the overnight bag on the floor by the stairs, he rolled his eyes. Picking it up, he carried it up and into the master bedroom, where he and Tony would be staying, and dropped it on the bed, before undressing so that he could change into more comfortable jeans and a sweatshirt. 

Going back downstairs and into the kitchen, Gibbs hesitated as the past and present combined momentarily. Shannon had loved spending time in the kitchen and one of his favorite things had been to watch her cooking, usually singing along with something on the radio as she cooked for her family. Now, Tony could be seen bopping in front of the stove along with the song on the old radio he must have brought up from the basement. He’d found one of the stations that was playing 24 hours of Christmas music, singing along to Jingle Bell Rock, and Jethro was glad that he’d paused to listen. 

He’d certainly heard Tony sing in the car a handful of times, but that was always short and so softly that Gibbs had never gotten a real appreciation for how good of a singer the other man was. With a husky, rich voice Gibbs found himself relaxing, almost feeling as if Tony’s voice was filling him with the magic of Christmas. In the car Gibbs had always gotten the feeling that Tony just had to sing, but knew his boss would skewer him if he did. Here in the kitchen thinking that he was alone, Tony held nothing back throwing himself all into the joy of the song.

Finally after listening to that and then a rendition of Silent Night that gave Gibbs goose bumps and in his humble opinion was better than whatever that person on the radio thought they were doing, Gibbs headed in. Almost shyly, he leaned in and kissed Tony’s cheek. “Merry Christmas, Tony. What can I do it help?”

Tony turned quickly and smiled big, the rare honest smile that lit up his eyes, but that few people ever got to see. Gibbs considered himself honored to be on the list of people who did, and found his breath stolen from him for the second time I since coming home. “That means I get to be in charge, Boss?” Tony asked cheekily, eyes dancing and clearly happy.

Jethro snorted at the glee in Tony’s eyes at the mere thought, and shrugged his shoulders thinking, ‘What the hell.’ “Not at work, Tony, and as far as I’m concerned this is your kitchen. All I know how to do in here is make coffee and easy breakfast stuff like eggs, breakfast meat, and hash browns, toast and cereal, too, but mostly things that are almost foolproof. You’re doin’ things in here I couldn't home to replicate.”

Tony paused then nodded, and smiled that smile again. Jethro found himself mentally changing the clicker to 3 in his mental tally on the How Many Times DiNozzo REALLY Smiles counter. “Ok, Jethro.” Tony started slightly emphasizing his name happily, “the veggies for the tray need to be cut up. They’re all down in your crisper tray, minus the lettuce, carrots and tomatoes. Lettuce we won’t use ‘til tomorrow, and the tomatoes are little cherry tomatoes so you don’t need to cut them. Similar goes for the carrots. I bought the baby carrots so we won’t have to do anything with them. The mushrooms just peal the outer layer off. I know it’s weird but…” 

Tony shrugged as he turned back to stir his broth. “I like them better that way. Can I ask you a question or few while we’re doin’ this?” Tony sneaked a peek at Gibbs as he asked seeing the older man nod. “Gotta couple of things that I’d like to ask myself, Tone, but you go ahead and start. M’glad you brought it up ‘cause I wasn’t sure how.”

Tony nodded watching Gibbs as the soup broth simmered behind him. He didn’t want to move too far away from the stove, since he was unfamiliar with it and didn’t want the broth to begin to boil. So he wanted to stay where he could quickly turn the heat down and pull the pot off the burner for a minute or two if needed. “We haven’t really talked about what we’re doing here. I don’t necessarily need labels or want to skip through the bullpen holding hands, and singing Its Raining Men, but I would like to make sure that we’re on the same page here. I… this is… Even though Wendy and I were certainly in a long committed relationship somehow this feels… different, and I just want to make sure we’re at least reading the same book, ya know?”

After Gibbs nodded, Tony took a deep breath knowing that he was about to lay himself open, but also knew that it was up to him to do it. Chances were Gibbs would never initiate a conversation like this, as he’d already admitted he didn’t even know where to begin. 

“I know what my reputation is, mostly because I worked damned hard to cultivate it. I’ve always been more flexible than people expect. Some of the women that I talked about were actually men, and some of the interactions may have been in some part fictional or enhanced, for the most part though the lack of long term was deliberate. Partly that was because I wasn’t ready to trust someone would want to put up with me long term. Another part of it was because I knew that you were the one that I wanted, and I had learned the hard way that substitutions wouldn’t work.”

As Tony paused to take a breath, Gibbs cocked his head to one side, pausing his careful slicing, and looking over at Tony asked, “Jeanne?”

Tony nodded sighing as he thought back on the disaster that was that undercover assignment. “Looking back I think that she was just the result of a perfect storm. You were gone when it began and with the way that you left, I wasn’t sure that there was any hope that you’d be back. Jenny was all over me about The Frog thing. I was working insane hours with the undercover time figured in. If I was lucky, I was getting maybe 4 hours of sleep most nights. I had almost no backup or support. If it wasn’t for Jimmy Palmer I would have had no one. I just felt so isolated and lonely at the time and it just seemed like everyone wanted to take without giving back. Looking back I think that it just became easier to slip into Tony DiNardo, whose life was pretty damned good, than it was to be myself.”

Gibbs frowned at the almost confirmation of the things he’d heard over the years since his return. He wasn’t a fool. He knew there would be some upheaval as people settled into the new dynamics after he left, but when he heard words like “isolated” and “no backup” he was more than a little disturbed. Tony speaking again brought him out of his own head, but mentally he filed away the questions he wanted to ask later. 

“I think, and Jesus I’m not putting this on you because I can’t even imagine how you survived losing your girls twice, I think that if you’d been here I wouldn't have slipped over the line. I just… Jeanne felt like all the real support I had most days and I was scared to death that I’d die alone someday. Given the fact that I was working an unsanctioned backup-less case the chances that I would end up dead were… well at the forefront of my mind. I just… I wanted something good and real and… she felt like the most real option available.”

Gibbs nodded as he processed all he’d heard, before Tony continued. “But back to us, I have wanted this chance for what feels like forever. Right now it feels like it’s everything that I’ve been waiting for my whole life. I want this to be a relationship, serious and committed and all that jazz. There is no way that I could do casual or friends with benefits with you. As it is I may scratch the eyes out of every redhead that comes within 100 yards of you. Considering the new SevNAv’s hair color that obviously is an impulse I am working on containing and I will do my best not to get myself fired though, Boss. I promise.”

Gibbs snickered as Tony just shrugged before starting back up again. “I have always embraced my Italian heritage, for the most part anyway, so I fully expect there to be large quantities of passion and possessiveness if the few past relationships I’ve had are anything to go by. I know that you’re the Alpha male here, and that everyone thinks that I am just some submissive lapdog, but even lapdogs will bite the hand that gets too close to their master.”

“I want this… us thing, Gibbs, and I won’t just roll over for anyone who tries to step between us whether they are friend or foe. I am 100% committed to a long term relationship with you if that is what you want too, Jethro.”

Gibbs nodded and paused to process before responding understanding the seriousness of the conversation and fully aware that his usual grunt and nod method would not be sufficient. Tony needed to hear real words and reassurance and given Gibbs’ previous realization that he had to do better in his personal relationships, he was determined to give this his best effort, even if he may not be able to state his feelings as well as Tony did. 

“First off, I want to say that you commented on something while you were talking about Jeanne that I want to come back to later. When you used words like isolated and no backup it concerns me and makes me wonder where the hell Abby, Ziva and McGee were. Especially McGee considering he was your SFA at the time. I know there’s been a lot of water under the bridge since then, but the fact that you mentioned it tells me that something is still unresolved and giving you pause with this… whatever we’re calling what we’re doing. I don’t understand how you could have been left to feel like that, and I want to understand. They are your friends and isolated with no backup should never have happened.”

When Tony just snorted Gibbs frowned again and filed the response away with the questions. He had a feeling it was an instinctual reaction and made him even more uneasy about what had gone down all those years ago. It also reinforced his belief that whatever happened then had something to do with Tony’s unease at this whatever building between them. While Ziva was gone (and the longer time went on, the more he had to wonder if maybe that wasn’t a good thing), McGee and Abby were still there, and while he may respect McGee and love Abby like a daughter, he would not allow them to come between this second chance he was being blessed with.

“As for the rest, well you know I’m not as good with using words as you are, but I want you to know I’m serious about this, too. I could never share you with anyone like that. You already know I’m a possessive bastard and that just flat out won’t change. I also want to warn you that while I won’t ever be… well… I’m not… or I used to not be, when Shannon was alive, as big a bastard outside of work as I was at work. There was my “the second B is for Bastard” work personality and then there was Jethro at home. Somewhere that second at home personality got buried, and I’m tryin’ to get him back. I want to be able to be with you like I was with Shannon, I wanna… I’m not… Hell.”

Jethro ran a hand through his hair, but calmed as Tony smiled encouragingly. “I ain’t ever gonna be big on suckin’ face in public, but… I’m not opposed to holdin’ hands and little touches and things once we’re comfortable like that with each other. I… I want to be able to express I love you in my own way, which I’m sure you’ll guess is more about gestures than this talkin’ shit.” Tony snorted, and Gibbs could see the amusement in his eyes as he put a hand over his mouth, but he didn’t take offense understanding Tony meant no disrespect by it. 

“Just to interject quickly, I’m good with the touching stuff… like I said Gibbs… Italian. Along with the possessive and passion comes touching and things I try to rein in, but would like to let go when we aren’t at work so. That’s good with me too.” Tony nodded just to confirm his words and Jethro sighed feeling a little more at ease knowing unlike his three ex-wives Tony would accept him for who he is, then head slapped himself mentally for even thinking Tony would do anything else.

“As for the whole lapdog submissive crap… Anyone who thinks that is just a damned moron.” Gibbs stopped and scowled at the thought wishing he could go right out and kick the ass of whomever made Tony feel that way. “There’s a difference between loyalty and lapdog. You’ve always got after me when you thought that I’d gotten off track or think I’m goin’ too far. I know maybe not so much lately because I probably have made you think you couldn’t. Somewhere I got off track at work too, and I wanna change that as well, but that’s something I also wanna hold off for later.”

“Anyway, lapdogs don’t stand up to their masters, and I wouldn’t have an SFA who didn’t want to and couldn’t kick my ass when I needed it. That’s one of the reasons that despite his aspirations, I’m not sure McGee will make it as high as he thinks he will. Somethin’ like that can only be taught out of ya so far, ‘cause in certain situations you will always be prone to reverting back to your natural instincts. So while it’s true he’s come a long way from where he was, mostly thanks you, he’s still too easily manipulated and intimidated into keeping his mouth shut.”

Gibbs briefly wished he had something to drink, ‘cause all this damned talkin’ was making him dry. When a bottle of beer suddenly appeared on the counter next to him he snorted and shook his head and hoped there would never come a time when Tony couldn't anticipate his needs. It was nice to know someone knew him that well and was willin’ to stick around. Something else Tim was gettin’ better at, but would never have Tony’s natural instincts for. 

“Tim seems to especially have trouble when it comes to people he knows. One of the things looking back that I wished I would have put a stop to was Ziva’s manipulation of him. It wasn’t good for him, and I should have stopped it, instead of calling it harmless because most of the time it was in house pranking and letting it go. In my opinion if anyone from the team has what it takes to be Director of NCIS it’s you. Hell I think Leon’s even comin’ around to the idea. I know he’s more aware that having nothing but yes men underneath him is a bad idea. It’s one of the reasons he promoted Granger, and if anyone shows my gut isn’t wrong about your potential it’s that man. You have all his strengths, but unlike him don’t tend to alienate the people below you like he does.”

Gibbs shook his head as his thoughts circled back to the yes man idea. It seemed his psyche was as irritated with the thought as the rest of him. “There’s a damned difference between being a yes man and knowing when and what battles to pick to fight. When the day comes that you’re sittin’ in that leather chair, I just hope that I am still around to say I told ya so.”

Tony blushed deep red at the praise, and turned back to fiddle with the broth adding the clams and checking the things in the oven, prosciutto parmesan twists, and pizza bread. Gibbs let him get away with ignoring the compliment, giving it a few moments before he asked his question. 

“I appreciate you lettin’ me include Tobias and Ducky in this. I know you may be wary about them knowin’, especially Tobias, but you have my word that neither of ‘em would betray this trust for anything. Tobias may like to give you a hard time, but he really respects you. Hell if he thought I wouldn’t kill him and chop up his body in my basement, he’d probably make a bigger effort to get you to go over to the FBI and be on his team. I know for a fact that he’d replace Sacks with you in a heartbeat if you’d give him a chance.”

Gibbs took another sip of his beer and turned back to his vegetables before continuing. “If we hadn’t invited them to stay here, they’d both be alone. Diane has Emily this year, and it’s always hard on Tobias not bein’ able to see her at Christmas, and Ducky never misses his mother more than he does around this time of the year. I know I shoulda asked before but, do you have… is there anyone who you’ve told about all of this?”

Tony nodded absently as he took the twists and the bread out of the oven, setting them on cooling racks on the other end of the counter, and turning the oven down to cook the mushrooms later. He then turned on the heat under the pot he’d filled with water earlier before Jethro came home, that he would use to boil the shrimp. He wanted to get them cooked and cooled down in time to eat. One thing he hated was warm shrimp cocktail. “I know it may sound weird, but Jimmy Palmer is my Ducky.” Tony finally answered turning back to watch Jethro cut up the rest of the veggies. 

Gibbs snorted softly at the irony of a bond having formed between the next ME and the future MCRT leader, but didn’t comment as Tony had continued mostly ignoring his response. “When you were… off in Mexico, and I was the one trying to do everything, almost always by myself… I don’t… I don’t want to go into the why’s of the situation. I am good with you wantin’ to talk about the specifics later like you mentioned before though as long as I can stipulate later being after the Christmas holiday weekend. I think… maybe… I think that it’ll piss you off. I won’t lie and say that there isn’t a part of me that hopes it does, but there’s also a part of me that’s afraid that you’ll NOT be upset and… I would be hurt if you weren’t at least a little upset by how they acted. Given that Abby is one of them, I know it’s a possibility and I just… “

Tony shook his head and took a swig of his beer. Once he composed himself he spoke softer than before forcing Gibbs to stop again and turn to look at him to hear what he was saying. “I know Abby is your favorite. Hell she makes sure everyone knows. For the most part, and on most days I’m ok with it, and I can swallow the bullshit because I know I don’t have other options, but also because I know I give out my own bullshit. Sometimes it’s hard to accept the get out of jail free forever card that Abby has with you, especially when you let her get a pass on things that hurt other people.”

“There is a big part of me that is really fucking scared of what is gonna come of us when everything comes to light from when you were gone as it relates to her, because I don’t know if I could survive the hurt of you picking her side and..” Tony swallowed, and then whispered, “And I lose you.”

Clearing his throat, Tony wiped impatiently at his eyes that had gotten misty. “So I don’t want to talk about that all today or this weekend because it scares me and I want to be happy right now. I think that I need to feel more secure in us before we address anything to do with Abby including her being let in on this new us. I think if we try to talk about it now when I’m insecure about what’s goin’ on here, everything will get jumbled together and I may misinterpret what you’re sayin’ because I’m already unsure of where I stand. I think if we give it time to be together and hopefully be happy together, it will go better.”

Shaking his head impatiently with himself, angry that he’d let himself get upset, Tony forced himself to get back on track. “Jesus, anyway… back to Jimmy… at the beginning when you were gone I didn’t have anyone. The first month or two was a nightmare. Then one night I was in the bullpen alone. Ziva and McGee had left already and I was trying to do my own reports so that I could do yours, but I’d been running on fumes between this rough case we’d just closed and Jeanne and my brain just didn’t want to focus.”

“So, I’m sitting there staring at my computer screen trying to get the letters to focus, when this paper ball hits me on the side of my head. I looked around, but didn’t see anyone. So, I stood up and was about to walk around to see if I could find the person, when another one hit me from the other side. So, I moved out from behind my… your… my desk and walked around our area and the area around us, but I couldn’t see anyone. When I got back there’s Jimmy at the desk with my favorite Chinese grinning like a fool.”

I think that I was so stunned and tired that I forgot to be pissed, not to mention the kid had a grin on his face a mile wide and was obviously proud of himself. Plus there was the fact that right about the second I got to my chair, my stomach growled ‘cause I was starving. I hadn’t eaten since the day before.” Tony grinned and shook his head.

“So I just sat and we ate and gabbed. It turned out that we had more to talk about than I’d expected. Jimmy’s not half bad once you got used to his sense of humor, which is a little on the warped side. When I asked him why he’d done it, bringing me dinner and staying to talk, he said that Black Lung’s job was to provide food and supplies. He said that he knew how long it’d been since I’d eaten and I hadn’t relaxed in forever.”

“Then he said that he couldn't help with the way the others were treating me, ‘cause he was scared of Ziva, and he couldn’t help with the cases ‘cause he was just an assistant ME. He said that what he could do was make sure I ate and bugged me into going home to sleep occasionally and give me someone to talk to whether it’s to talk bullshit or vent. He didn’t really care which one it was. Then he finished by saying that it was what Ducky did for you and if he was lucky someday he’d be able to be my ME. So, he might as well start practicing on how to take care of me now.”

Tony smiled remembering the conversation and blushed slightly remembering his reaction to the whole thing. “Jimmy… he was the first one who acted as if not only did I belong in your position, but seemed to think that I would succeed. It… well it meant a lot to me. We’ve been friends ever since. He says that you returning didn’t change the future so he has to keep practicing.”

Tony chuckled and eyed Gibbs before going on. He couldn’t help but wonder how Jethro would take his next bit of news. “And then when I need a Tobias, I call my buddy Derek Morgan over at the BAU.” Gibbs’ eyebrow lifted at this news, but he managed to remain silent if only just barely. Tony having a friend who was not only in the FBI, but also a profiler was a story that he definitely wanted to hear. He knew how the younger man felt about the agency after their three attempts at pinning murder on him.

“Derek and I go back to college, kinda. He was the starting QuarterBack for Northwestern when I was starting for Ohio State. So we saw each other every year, and were… friendly the way you are in sports with people you see regularly. College football is mostly a big fraternity. We didn’t keep in touch or anything though, just hey nice game type of shit you say after one of you has kicked the other’s ass. After Dr. Pitt broke my leg, I couldn’t play in the Northwestern game that year, so we lost touch.” 

“One of the first things I did after I moved here though was to join the Y so that I could play basketball when I had time. It’s usually cheaper than a regular gym and you get to spend more time workin’ with kids who were like me and need a stable adult in their lives. The first damned time I went to play, there was Derek. So after we got done with the how the hell are you’s and what the fuck are you doin’ here’s we played a game of one on one. Different sport than we were used to playing against each other, but not even a little bit any less competitive. I took out my frustration about my new asshole boss, that would be you by the way, on him, and he took out his frustration about his pencil pushing geek boss Gideon out on me… And as they say a friendship was born.”

“We call each other a few times a week and play ball still on the weekends when they aren’t out of town on a case. Sometimes when it’s a really long out of town trip I go over and take care of Clooney his dog. He can be left alone for a few days, but more than that and he gets restless. When his boss Hotch’s wife was murdered and Hotch had to take time off, they made Derek temporary team leader. So, he’d call me for pointers.”

Tony chuckles and shakes his head, then grins at Gibbs’, eyes twinkling. “He swears the next time Fornell tries to arrest me for murder he’s kickin his ass. They were out of town the first two times, and you guys mostly had it covered the second. He said the next damn time he better be my one call though. ‘Course he had the same problem once in Chicago when he went home to see his mamma and I said the same thing, so I guess it’s pretty even. When our teams play either football or basketball we try to get together to watch when we’re both in town and not on a case. If we can’t one of us records it and we watch together later. “

Tony pauses to size up how Gibbs was taking the information so far, relieved to see equal amounts of disbelief and amusement. “He knows that I have a crush on you, and I know that he suspects his boss and his best friend who is also on the team have the hots for each other, but haven’t done anything about it yet, at least not that he knows. I also know that he wishes that they would just pull their heads out and get it on already. We’ve plotted ideas how to make it happen, but so far he’s staying out of it.”

Gibbs does snort in amusement at this, and Tony just shrugs grinning. “We both hate the CIA. When we have stalking or bombing cases he lets me pick his brain. If they get anything close to organized crimes he calls me.” Tony shrugs again, but Gibbs isn’t surprised about that. Gibbs would be surprised if that was the ONLY time this Derek called Tony to pick his brain. Anyone who knew Tony for any length of time would know he’s a valuable resource when you needed someone to bounce ideas off of, even when it wasn’t a case that he was familiar with. Gibbs knew for a fact other team leaders inside NCIS called Tony up to do it all the time.

“I thought about asking if I could invite him to our Christmas sleepover thing we have goin’ on. He usually goes home to Chicago to see his mamma and sisters, but this year the girls decided to take her on a Christmas Cruise. He’s too damned stubborn to admit to his friends on his team that he doesn’t have anywhere to go. He says they all had plans and he didn’t want to be a tag along. I wasn’t sure about Fornell though, or how you would feel about it. He’d have to bring Clooney and…” Tony shrugged chewing on his lip. Gibbs rolled his eyes handing over his phone. “Call him.”

Tony grinned and nodded. “On it, Boss,” he replied before dialing Derek excited.

“I thought you had plans.” Is what Tony was greeted with when the phone stopped ringing. Tony couldn’t help but laugh at how much he sounded like Gibbs right then not bothering with hello and getting right down to business. He couldn’t remember the last time he was so happy, and didn’t feel the need to try and hide it, knowing Derek would hear it anyway. “I do, jerk, and so do you. Pack up Clooney and get your ass over here.”

Tony grinned at the muttered bitch from the other end of the line, but just talked over him. “Just bring my gift and we can exchange gifts tomorrow. Stop on the way and get some good bourbon for your host and bring a tin or two of that loose leaf English breakfast tea that Emily sent you by mistake instead of the bags, and you don’t use. Ducky will love it. Fornell… shit… just get him some booze when you buy Gibbs’, but you certainly don’t gotta break the bank for him as long as you don’t buy Gibbs the cheap shit I’m good. You and Toby Boy can fight over the second guest room, loser gets the couch. Clooney will have a big backyard to run around in just like at home, and I’ll make him a special doggy dinner tomorrow.”

Tony could see Derek frowning and shaking his head on the other end of the line. “Look, man, I appreciate it but…”

“Look yourself you jerk,” Tony said cutting him off, waiting for and getting the expected bitch back in return. “This was ordered by The Gibbs himself. You can argue with him as soon as I get to start calling up Hotch and arguing with his orders to you.” Tony pump fisted at the dead silence at that, knowing immediately that he’d won, earning a chuckle from Gibbs’ direction.

“Gimmie the address and we’ll be there in about an hour and a half or so.” Tony laughed again and flashed a thumb’s up to Gibbs. Turning back to the stove to decide what to cook next, he rattled off the address and hung up, not giving Derek time to change his mind. He knew he wouldn’t call back since he wasn’t familiar with the number Tony had called from.

Gibbs smiled and patted Tony on the back thinking to himself that he and this Derek person certainly sounded like him and Tobias. Going back to his cutting, Gibbs sensed that Tony was about worn out with the serious talk, and knew that he himself was. So, cheating, he asked another question to turn things to something lighter, even though it was Tony’s turn technically. So for the next hour or so he found himself being schooled on the variations in cinema of Ebenezer Scrooge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to throw in a shout out to one of my old fandoms. If for no other reason than it amused me, but I did try and make it subtle. *g*


	6. Yet more Christmas Eve and FINALLY Christmas Morning

Tobias stood in a corner of the kitchen by the outside door frowning, watching Ducky entertain Tony and Derek Morgan with some story of an escapade from his time at boarding school as a lad. When a beer bottle appeared in front of him, Tobias took it without thinking and chugged about half of it. Gibbs chuckled softly beside him.

“Explain to me again what one of those bastard stuck up profilers is doing here again.” Gibbs just rolled his eyes and absent mindedly petted Clooney, who had stuck close by his side since their introduction. He’d already explained the same story three times, and by his tone in the fourth telling, Tobias better damned well be able to tell that this would be the last time. Gibbs hated Feebs as much as anyone, but personally he thought Derek seemed like a pretty good guy, at least so far. Certainly if he passed the patented DiNozzo rule #2 ‘Don’t trust the FBI until your gut tells you to’ then he must be ok.

“For the very damned last time, Tobias, he’s a friend of Tony’s who had nowhere to go for the holiday. He an’ Tony played college ball against each. They reconnected with other after they both moved here to DC. Derek is and I quote straight from DiNozzo himself ‘my Tobias’. They take out their work frustrations on each other when they play basketball at the Y and make bets when their teams play. Any of this sinkin’ in jackass? At least Derek didn’t marry Wendy!”

Tobias glared and opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by Gibbs before he could speak. “Look he’s one of the few real friends Tony has outside of NCIS, and that he’s comfortable enough to be himself around that he can drop his masks including the people that he knows at NCIS. As far as I’m concerned, anyone important to Tony is important to me, So pull the stick out or I’m keepin’ your damned Christmas gift for myself.” 

Tobias glared, but gave in, no longer having the heart to argue when Gibbs pointed out how thoroughly Tony trusted this profiler. As much as he liked to harass DiNozzo, he had a lot of respect for the kid. He knew how isolating their profession could be outside of work. Most people couldn’t understand the necessity of the all-consuming nature of working in any branch of law enforcement. Having friends who worked the job, especially for another agency came in handy both at and outside of work.

Tobias watched Tony and Derek start to lay everything out on the counter so they could fill their plates buffet style before heading to the table in the dining room. The ease that the two men moved around each other, even when one was in a completely unfamiliar environment confirmed the trust and familiarity the two had with each other. Gibbs moved to let Clooney out into the backyard and then moved to put his special doggy safe Christmas Eve dinner in his bowl that Tony had prepared for him apparently earlier. 

As he watched DiNozzo and Morgan, Ducky came up smiling happily. “What a delightful man Anthony’s friend is!” Fornell snorted, but was saved from responding as Tony chose that moment to call them to dinner. The Christmas Eve meal was a huge success with all five men getting along, even Fornell once he settled down and stopped grumbling about the damned profiler. Although Tony did make a tinfoil hat at one point and put it on Tobias’ head, which amused the other three immensely. 

After dinner Ducky corralled Gibbs and Fornell into helping with the cleanup saying that Anthony had cooked and Derek not only had assisted him, but was a guest. Gibbs tried to protest that he’d helped too, and Fornell claimed he was also a guest, but Ducky was having none of it, and both men realized that it was just easier to give in. By the time they were done, Tony and Derek had set up the table for a good ol’ night of cards playing Oh Hell, which was a rousing success. By midnight everyone was tired enough that everyone shuffled off to their assigned rooms. Derek took the couch, not even willing to discuss taking the guest room, despite Tony’s warning that his back would not thank him for that decision in the morning. Eventually, after Clooney came back in from his final round of potty and sniffs in the back yard, everyone headed to their beds.

Around three AM, Tony found himself sneaking back downstairs to sit in front of the fire in the recliner and watch the tree that had been left on. He’d tried hard to sleep. He and Gibbs had talked quietly for a while until Gibbs fell asleep mid-sentence, but Tony found that his mind just couldn’t shut down enough for him to fall asleep himself. He was hoping Gibbs stayed asleep because he wasn’t sure that he could explain to the older man where his head was at. Worries had started creeping up on him as the night progressed, and Tony had found himself using his many years of undercover experience to maintain his carefree happy go lucky exterior, although he wasn’t sure how well it’d worked. 

Tony had thought that after the unexpected date the previous weekend and their long talk that afternoon while cooking that everything was worked out inside of him. Obviously he was mistaken. Slowly as he’d sat there trying to enjoy the evening, something began to settle in his gut, and then started squeezing his lungs until he had to physically restrain himself from running. He couldn’t help but look toward the front door, as his hands clenched the arm rests as if they were the only things keeping him seated.

“If you so much as twitch towards the front door, I’m gonna tackle your ass, bitch.” Tony’s head whipped toward the couch, where Derek was still laying with his eyes closed and offered an automatic, “jerk”. As Tony watched him though, Derek finally sat up and stared at him. “Sorry,” Tony offered quietly, “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“I tried my best to be quiet.”

Derek rolled his eyes. “Wasn’t sleeping. This couch sucks.” Tony snorted. “Told you not to argue with Fornell and take the damn guestroom, but does anyone ever listen to DiNozzo? Nooooooooooooo.” Derek huffed and muttered something, but all Tony caught was the world old. Derek rubbed a hand over his face then gave Tony his “I’m a profiler and you can’t con me” look. “What’s goin’ on with you? You’ve been in flight mode all night.” Tony shook his head and ran one hand through his hair, making sections stand on end, while he ran the other hand through Clooney’s for after the dog moved to his side. 

“I don’t know. The only thing that I do know is that I’m scared shitless, and I thought I’d gotten past this. I just can’t help think… Fuck! It doesn’t ever work.” Tony tried to swallow the lump in his throat unsuccessfully. “Man, D, I can’t even tell you how bad I fucking want this. I don’t think there’s anything in my life, including my father’s love and approval, I’ve ever wanted more than this relationship with Gibbs. The thing that has crept into my head though and won’t leave is when the fuck has the universe ever given me the thing that I wanted the most? If anything it holds it out in front of me and then at the last possible fucking second snatches it away. What the fuck am I supposed to do then, D? You fucking tell me. What the fuck do I do then?”

Derek nodded at his friend hearing his voice break, and the emotion behind his words. It was at times like this that he wished profiling came with more answers than it did. Sometimes it seemed like the times when he needed answers the most, were the times he had least to offer. “I don’t know, man, but I’ve never been one to live my life by the bad things that could happen. When I was a kid after my dad was killed, my Gramma Morgan once told me that every good thing we get has to be balanced out by a bad thing.”

“She said that everything had to balance out because that’s just the way the universe works, but that doesn’t mean that it’s tit for tat. She said that sometimes you get a lot of little good things and one bad thing, or a bunch of equal good and bad. Sometimes though when it seems like you’ve gotten nothing but a lot of really big bad things one right after the other with only teeny tiny good things, it’s because the universe is savin’ up all that good stuff to give you one really big good. All the bad you had was just storing up to offset that huge good that was comin’ along later in life. So no matter how hard it got, you just had to remember that there must be something that much bigger of good comin’ along later.”

“I can tell you for sure that if the worst happens, ain’t no way that I’m lettin’ you walk that road alone, brother. I also can tell you that as someone who gets paid to read people that everything I saw tonight screams that you’re man up there loves the hell out of you. No matter where you stood in this room tonight, unless it was right at his side, his eyes were on you and you alone.”

“I can tell you that despite what my co-workers would say that is something that I would kill for. So, while I know that I’m not a relationship guru, my paycheck says the government at least thinks I’m pretty good at reading people. So in my professional BAU opinion the only thing I see snatching that man away from you, is the reaper. Like I said before, brother, if that happens nothin’ will tear me from your side.” At the top of the stairs, unseen by either man, Gibbs nodded and turned to go back to his room, where hopefully Tony would come back to soon. 

Back in the living room, Tony turned his attention to Clooney as he considered Derek’s words. Finally, having made a decision, Tony gave Clooney a final pat on the side, stood, and nodded to Derek before heading back upstairs to bed. After stripping back down to his boxer briefs, he climbed back between the covers on his side, which was the furthest from the door. Rolling over to face Gibbs, trying to get comfortable, he startled when he saw a pair of blue eyes watching him. “Feel better?” Gibbs asked softly, and Tony nodded biting his lip. “Sorry, Jethro, I don’t know what is wrong with me.”

“This isn’t work Tony, I don’t need you to have all the answers right now and I never want you to apologize to me about how you feel. That isn’t something that you can control, and I would never get upset at you because of how you felt. I know all of your experience with me is as a boss, but I’d like to think that I’m not as demanding in my relationships as I am at work. Or at least I hope I wasn’t with Shannon. I realize my ex-wives would most definitely argue that point, but I’d like to believe that at one point I knew how to leave the ‘second B is for bastard’ at the door when I came home.”

“I understand that this is all new to you, and to be honest, I haven’t been this committed to wanting a relationship to work since I lost my girls. For the record also, I am completely ok with you talking things through with Derek and Jimmy. All I ask is that you keep me in the loop, even if it’s as simple as a ‘hey, I’m struggling with something and not ready to talk to you about it yet’. I also realize that I am pretty much the functional mute you joke about me being, so I promise to do my best at giving you the same courtesy. I know he isn’t your favorite person, but it’s possible sometimes there are things I will need to talk over with Fornell. I will try my best to leave sensitive things that may involve stuff you don’t want him to know to talkin’ over with Ducky, but sometimes Fornell will be the one I need to talk to.”

Tony though about this and nodded carefully. Jethro was right. He wasn’t crazy about having Fornell know about his personal life, but if he really thought about it, chances were that Jethro probably wasn’t really crazy at having Jimmy Palmer know such intimate details of their relationship either. “I can handle that, and I promise to try and keep things that are really personal to being things I talk to Derek about. I know you probably would feel better if Jimmy doesn’t know intimate details either.” Gibbs smiled, and Tony nodded then pushed the older man onto his back so that he could snuggle down to sleep with his head on Jethro’s shoulder.

When Tony woke up in the morning, he was alone in bed, but the spot that he’d rolled into was still warm, so he must not have been alone too long. Knowing it was going to be a rare moment to himself, Tony snuggled deeper into Jethro’s abandoned spot, inhaling his scent, and pulling the covers up to his nose. Taking another deep breath of Jethro’s scent, Tony took a moment to internally assess how he felt that morning. 

He had to admit that between Derek and Jethro he did feel somewhat better than he had the night before about this whole relationship situation. He counted himself lucky to have made a friend who had his back like Derek did. It definitely helped knowing that if the worst happened he’d at least have the profiler, and most likely Jimmy, also, to help keep him functioning. Hopefully the worst would never happen, but it was nice to know that if it did that he wouldn’t be alone as he had so many times in the past.

His new found support of course didn’t mean he had no more concerns, because he did, but he also trusted Jethro enough that if he said that those concerns were understandable, and he wasn’t worried about it, that it really was ok. He was definitely moving down roads that he’d never travelled before. Not with Jeanne, who was as much if not more of a product of Tony DiNardo’s feelings than they were Tony DiNozzo’s. Snorting he couldn’t help but thinking that he sounded more than a little like Sybil with that comparison. However, he had long ago accepted it was just one facet of working undercover that you had to be comfortable with. Even Wendy, whom he had almost married, hadn’t felt like this. Looking back Tony could admit that while yes he did care for her, it was something easy, safe, it was everything that Tony believed at the time that he was supposed to want, but didn’t come anywhere close to what he felt for one Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

Since there was no one privy to this conversation he was having with himself, Tony let himself ponder how much he wanted this. This new bright and sparkly shiny relationship was most likely the most important thing he’d ever longed for in his entire existence. It was funny, because he realized that when he focused on that fact, and that fact alone, letting nothing else invade his mine, listening to that thought bounce around until it was so big and loud that it shattered all other thought, nothing else mattered. 

This certainly was not the first adversity that Tony had faced. It was not even close to being the first time that something he wanted may contradict what society or even more specifically people who were close to him though that he was capable of or worth possessing. It was absolutely not the first time he had stood at the bottom of a mountain and looked up, and felt scared to death that he’d never find the top. The thing was that never, even in all the years he’d been on this planet, had he ever let himself be talked out of or away from something that he really wanted. Life may steal it from him, but he had never and he would never lose because he stopped trying. If he’d been prone to quitting when the obstacles in life seemed insurmountable, he would no doubt not have made it out of childhood.

Just as that realization took hold in his mind, Tony head the bedroom door open, and felt the bed dip as the smell of coffee reached his nose. “You gonna get up some time today?” Tony smiled as he felt Gibbs’ fingers in his hair, and if he’d been a cat, he would have arched his back and purred. 

“Warm,” Tony muttered then turned his head toward Gibbs. “Morning. Merry Christmas. Coffee. Don’ wanna get up.”

Gibbs chuckled and held a mug in front of Tony’s face. “Morning. Merry Christmas. Coffee. Get your ass up.”

Tony laughed happily and sat up, then leaning in got a quick kiss, before stealing his coffee mug. Taking a big swallow, he was happy to taste peppermint mocha, and rewarded Gibbs with a big smile. “Mmm Peppermint Mocha!”

“Ok, I’m up. Let me take a shower and I’ll be right down.” Gibbs nodded and stole a kiss of his own, before leaving and shutting the door again. Tony took another sip then got out of bed, leaving his coffee on the side table before stripping and heading into the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know where the animosity from Tobias toward the BAU came from, but it seemed to fit so I left it. I seriously love the interaction between Tony & Derek, there needs to be more fic with the two of them having a nice quality friendship.


	7. It's Christmas!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a section of Italian. The translation is at the bottom. I will warn you I don't speak Italian, and neither does my beta. She altered it a bit for me, but mostly it came from an online translator. There is a brief reference to a Mr. Rosenbaum. In my head he's Michael Rosenbaum who used to play Lex Luthor on Smallville. Mostly again because it amused me, and in my head he's the bald version. Cause bald Mikey is EXTRA HOT!
> 
> Thanks to CataLinz for the correction on the Italian part! Second revision on the Italian part thanks to slyvir. You guys rock!!

Once he’d made it down to the kitchen, Tony was greeted with a chorus of Merry Christmas from Ducky and Derek, who were cooking French toast and sausage for breakfast. Fornell looked up from his coffee and newspaper and gave a Merry Christmas grunt. Tony, who was more than familiar with early morning Gibbs, chose to interpret it that way, anyway. Gibbs seemed to be missing, but when he asked, Derek informed him that he’d taken Clooney out for a walk, and that he was a little worried he’d never get his dog back.

When Gibbs finally returned, Tony was sitting letting the morning develop around him. His coffee cup had been emptied and replaced with a large glass of orange juice, and thus far hadn’t said much as he simply wanted to enjoy the feeling of not waking up on Christmas morning alone. He couldn’t help but reflect on how much had changed in less than a week. Six days prior he was alone in his apartment, a ball of uncertainty, with no real idea what he was going to do about his feelings for his boss. 

Now, here he was in Gibbs’ house, having spent the night using the older man as a pillow, with his new future in front of him, and surrounded by friends who could be counted on if the worse happened. Fornell maybe still with a question mark next to his name, but Tony was willing to be open minded if that would make Gibbs happy. Because it was Christmas, Tony felt that he could get into the whole peace and goodwill thing he’d heard so much about, and decided that at least for the day he’d call Fornell a friend, but once midnight hit he was back on the questionable list.

While it was true that he still had some uncertainly in front of him, between his two talks with Jethro, and the pep talk from Derek, Tony felt a little more confident about his evolving relationship. His realization that morning had made him realize that no matter what happened with Abby and McGee, it wasn’t going to be the end of the world. He had certainly withstood worse events, even if the absolutely worst case happened and he lost their friendship. The only way that he was losing Gibbs was if he gave up, and that was just not something a DiNozzo did. 

Given how far he’d come in the last 6 days and what had started it all, Tony had been a little worried the previous night, that the gift giving moment would be somewhat anti-climactic. As if the necklace hadn’t made him nervous enough, he’d gotten an idea while driving down by the water for a second gift, and had no clue how it would be received. Hopefully well, because the more Tony thought about it, the more excited he got by the concept. This coupled with the newness of friends and family and a warmth and actual peace and harmony, or something close to it, made Tony more excited than he could have ever anticipated. 

Once they all got settled in the living room, Derek was selected to start passing out his gifts first. Jethro and Fornell were both pleased with the good quality bourbon that they received, as neither man was prone to wanting expensive or fancy gifts. Ducky was over the moon with his tea. Derek solemnly promised that if Ducky would just let him know when he was running low, he’d make sure Prentiss kept the older man stocked up in real loose leaf English Breakfast Tea. 

Tony received some hard to find movies for his collection and spent the next 20 minutes giving the others an excited rundown on the movies, which included Abbot & Costello Meet Captain Kid, A Man for All Seasons, a Diana Dors movie collection set, the complete I Love a Mystery collection, and The Case of the Frightened Lady, which even Ducky was excited about. He’d also gotten a couple old movie posters for his movie room, and an IOU to attend the GI Film Festival with him that upcoming May.

Tony excitedly explained to Gibbs that it was the only film festival in the nation that focused on preserving the stories of veterans. It was something Tony had wanted to go to since moving to DC, but had never been able to attend. Once Gibbs heard this and found out it was a non-profit organization, he said that he’d like to attend also, as did Ducky, and even Fornell if he was not working a case and it was a non-Emily weekend.

Fornell had gone the easy route and gotten everyone, minus Derek, booze, which no one really was surprised about. Gibbs of course got a bottle of bourbon. Tony got a bottle of The Prisoner wine that he’d served for dinner the previous weekend, and Gibbs had mentioned liking. Ducky got a nice quality bottle of Gin. 

Ducky also didn’t have anything for Derek and apologized profusely unlike Tobias who hadn’t been fazed much, still holding some weird grudge about the profiler interloper. Derek for his part took both with humor and said that not having to spend the day alone was gift enough. For Fornell Ducky had purchased several gift cards to restaurants around town, knowing the man, like Gibbs, didn’t cook, unless it was an Emily weekend of course. Gibbs received a subscription to a woodworking magazine, and some antique chisels he’d managed to find. 

Tony received a gift card to a local cinema that Ducky informed him showed classic black and white movies exclusively, which Tony was excited about not having heard of the place. He also received some new gloves, a hat, and a scarf, which the ME, who also acted as his physician on occasion, advised that he expected to see on him. “And no grumbling, Jethro! His heath is more important than a few extra seconds at your crime scene!”

Derek and Fornell snickered at the scolding, but Tony wisely interrupted and insisted that Gibbs go next, wanting to be the last one to pass out his gifts. Derek was surprised to find out he had a gift, and loved the handmade wooden picture frame, making sure Gibbs knew it was greatly appreciated. “I’ve had a picture of my momma and sisters that I’ve needed a nice frame for forever, but never seem to have time to find one. This is perfect. Thanks, man!”

Gibbs smiled and shrugged admitting that Tony had suggested it telling him about the picture, and helped pick it out from the ones he had made up. Fornell got another bottle of bourbon, much to his delight and Gibbs’ muttered, “Just don’t drink them both in the same damn night.” The two of them swapping bourbon was practically tradition, and neither saw any reason to change it. Ducky got a nice plate shelf that Gibbs had made so he could display some antique china his mother had left him. “Oh, Jethro,” the old man said, but couldn’t go on as he was too choked up. He still terribly missed having her around, and had wanted to display the china that she’d been so fond since he’d moved into his new home.

Tony received some movies that he’d been wanting and had mentioned in the bull pen. Then he was handed an envelope, which contained a receipt for a 60 inch LED smart TV, a Blu-ray player, and a sound system. There was also installment papers for Direct TV with a notation that the collect and NFL football packages had already been ordered for the following fall. Lastly but certainly not least in Tony’s opinion, were designs for a gorgeous TV cabinet that included storage for some of his movies. Speechless, Tony uttered a rather unmanly squeak, then tackled Gibbs back onto the couch cushions raining kisses on his face, much to Ducky and Derek’s amusement, and Tobias’ protests.

Once the two were upright again, and had caught their breath, Tony retrieved his presents slipping the small box into his OSU hoody he had on. He started with Fornell whom was handed an envelope, which contained a 1 year family pass to the International Spy Museum. He hadn’t wanted to buy booze, and the only thing else he knew about Fornell personally was that he loved his daughter Emily. He also knew that the young lady was sharp as a tack and thought that her father hung the moon. Tony figured for a girl like her, unlimited trips to a spy museum along with the chance for some private events would be something father and daughter could both enjoy. From the quietly muttered, “Damnit, DiNozzo,” and the nod that followed, Tony figured that it was a good choice. Not having any kind of relationship with his father as a child, Tony was more than happy to do anything he could to support the relationship between Tobias and Emily.

Ducky also received an envelope, with two pieces of paper in it. The first was for an international tea of the month club that swore the teas actually came from the different countries originally. The second was a membership to a local gym. Tony knew from Jimmy both that Ducky was supposed to be getting regular exercise, and also knew he wasn’t going. Tony called some people he’d known from the OSU PE department, and found out that one of his old friends and classmates worked as a trainer in a DC gym called Golden Horizon. They specialized in senior citizens or people who had recovered from some type traumatic medical event and needed regular exercise, but were intimidated by gyms that catered to the muscle heads and gym bunnies.

“You aren’t the only one that gets to nag people about their health, Doctor Mallard,” Tony advised giving the elder a stern look. “I know for a fact that you are not following your doctor’s orders where your exercise regimen is concerned, and I will be damned if you’re gonna leave me ‘cause you doing something as simple as exercising. The membership you have includes a personal trainer, whom I know personally and have already not only spoken to, but scheduled your first session with. “

“There will be no excuses for missing it, because the director is already aware of your appointment and has agreed to not only that time, but regular appointments at that time. Jimmy doesn’t have class, and the director agrees he can handle anything that comes up. As you see it’s in the morning, so you can go before work. Just to make sure you don’t slack on me, Mark is gonna call me regularly with updates and will call me anytime you miss an appointment. Don’t make me use my PE degree on you, young man!” 

For the second time that morning, Ducky found himself choked up. At first he’d been annoyed, but the comment Tony had made about “you aren’t gonna leave me”, made him realize that he’d let the loss of his mother make him forget the other people in his life. Once he could talk again he promised he wouldn’t miss a single session because he didn’t want the wrath of Gibbs Jr to come down upon his head. While Fornell and Derek laughed, Gibbs just smiled and squeezed Tony’s shoulder understanding how important to Tony the older man was, and was proud of him for doing what he could to insure that he wasn’t going anywhere any time soon. 

Derek got a box of all kinds of goodies and treats for Clooney, who gave a bark of appreciation, then set into chewing on one of the bones, his wagging tail showing his happiness. For Derek himself there was a box of expensive gloves, a hat, and scarf that matched the new winter coat that Tony had seen the last time he was at his friend’s house and knew he needed. Then he handed him a third and last box to Derek’s protest that the two previous boxes were enough. Tony just grinned excited to see the reaction, and wasn’t let down with the drop jaw response he got. 

Inside the box were a football and two envelopes. The football was signed by all of the offensive and defensive starters for the Chicago Bears, Derek’s hometown NFL team. One of the envelopes had a certificate of authentication, and the other held an IOU for 4 tickets to a home game at Soldier Field. “How the hell…” Derek muttered, and stopped staring at the ball, and Tony couldn’t help but laugh, happy his gift had been such a hit.

“A buddy of mine that I played with at OSU, helped me. You remember Alonzo Spellman? He’s a pretty cool dude, not on the team anymore, but he still has plenty of friends who are. He actually called me first needing tickets to something, so we traded gifts. I’m pretty sure that I know where I can get a nice display case made for that puppy too.” Tony looked at Gibbs who nodded smiling, already making plans in his head.

“Man, I don’t even…” Derek started again before standing and dragging Tony up into a huge hug. Tony just grinned and laughed in his ear pounding on his back. Before Derek could sit, Tony made him help move the big box from the side of the tree to set in front of Gibbs. On top was an envelope with a fit card to Gibbs’ favorite lumber store. Inside were some portholes and other small accessories both antique and modern that Tony had thought matched. When Gibbs looked at Tony, sensing there was a story with this gift, especially since Tony knew that it had been quite a while since he’d worked on a boat. 

“That one is… kind of a dual gift for both of us. I know you haven’t been working on boats lately, but I was uh thinking that maybe if you’re interested we could maybe possibly work on one together? That is ya know if…” Gibbs cut off the ramble with a kiss of his won that earned an “on my” from Ducky, a “you sly dog,” from Fornell, and a wolf howl from Derek that Clooney joined his master in. After everyone got done laughing, Tony slipped the small box out of his hoody pocket. He found the nerves returned momentarily, and took a deep breath before placing it in Jethro’s hand. “This uh… this is actually what started this crazy adventure that we’ve started.”

“A few months back after I returned from Israel, I was surfing the internet kinda of aimlessly, but contemplating taking the plunge and telling you how I felt. For some reason I thought of my Nonno and Nonna DiNozzo. They weren’t… quite as stuffy and unfeeling as my father but died when I was quite young. I don’t remember much about them, except they always seemed to love each other deeply, and Nonno always had this necklace on.” At Tony’s prompting Gibbs opened the jewelry box and saw something that looked like a golden husk on a black leather band. 

“It’s called an Italian Horn necklace. When I started to think about all of the things that you mean to me, I realize that they were a lot of the same things that I had associated with my Nonni. I remember asking my Nonno about his necklace once. He told me that Nonna got it for him, because she loved him and wanted him to be protected from the evil eye. Nonna said that it was a symbol of love and passion and protection… all of the things that I think of when I think of you, Jethro.”

“My Nonni died when I was seven. Nonna died first, and Nonno went less than a month later. I honestly believe that he loved her so much that he couldn’t bear the thought of living on this earth without her with him. For the longest time I thought that I would never have that. I was sure that somehow my father had cursed me, and I would never find someone to love me as much as my Nonni loved each other. Then there you were, and I had no clue what to do about it. So, here I am thinking about all this, and remembered that I actually owned that very necklace that my Nonna had given my Nonno all those years before. When my Nonno died, it was one of the things that he’d left me. His executor, who is not my father by the way, has been holding onto it for me to find my one great love to give it to.”

Tony took the box from Jethro’s hand and carefully took the Italian Horn made of a Tiger Eye gemstone out from the box and slipped the leather cord around Jethro’s neck. “Ti amo con tutto il cuore, Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Possa la nostra vita essere lunga e possa il nostro amore essere pieno di passione e di risate. Tu sei il mio cuore, la mia anima e tutto il mio mondo." 

Gibbs swallowed hard, knowing his eyes were teary, but for once didn’t mind. Leaning in he kissed Tony softly, and when he looked at the others was pleased to see he wasn’t the only one who was choked up. He was however surprised to see Tobias seemed the most moved and made a mental note to ask him later what Tony had said. 

Tony stared into Gibb’s blue eyes and could almost imagine his Nonni there watching him. He liked to believe that they would approve, despite the fact that Jethro was a man. Mister Rosenbaum, the son of the original executor now handled his Nonni’s trust and seemed to believe that from what his father had told him, his Nonni would only have wanted him to find love no matter the gender. 

The man was very kind and had quickly sent the necklace, advising he had some other things he’d been holding for him and would like to send. Tony was curious as he never knew he’d gotten anything but the necklace, and maybe some trinkets, so he’d promised to contact him and make an appointment when they could meet after the New Year.

Pushing thought about the trust from his mind, Tony found himself lost in Gibb’s eyes, thinking about Derek’s comment from the night before about the universe and balance and bad things paying ahead for good things. If you’d asked him when he was a kid or in college, or hell maybe even as recent as 6 months ago, he probably would have said that his friend was crazy. However, sitting there on Jethro’s couch surrounded by friends and love and well… the peace and goodwill that you always heard about at Christmas time, he could honestly believe that maybe such a notion was true. Because for all the seemingly never ending years of pain and anguish and heartbreak, looking back he would live them all three times over as long as he knew in the end he would end up with Leroy Jethro’s heart in his hands.

 

~The End~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas and Happy Whatever Winter Holiday You Celebrate!!
> 
>  
> 
> Translation: I love you with all of my heart, Leroy Jethro Gibbs. May your live be long, and may our love be filled with passion and laughter. You are my heart and my soul and my everything.
> 
> Also, I do have plans for a sequel. It probably won't be started til sometime at the end of January because I am currently working on a NCIS/Hawaii 5-0 fic which will have Tibbs and Danno/Chin Ho pairings. There will be another story though hopefully in two or three months.


End file.
